The Ascent of Peter

a ritual to learn how to embrace the depths

On the evening of the 1st of August 2022 we performed a group enactment of this ritual and got together the next day to compare notes from the underworld. If you give this ritual a try feel free to drop me an email and share your experiences (hello@rebeccaonpaper.com).

You're going down.

It’s not the first time. You’ve made this journey before, into the space with grey walls where everything lacks depth and meaning. Sometimes you don’t even notice you’ve fallen until you feel the familiar shackles snick closed around your neck. Sometimes you resist, clawing at the stone walls as you’re dragged down into the mouth of the cavern. But you always end up staring at a wall as your will drains from you, forgetting what aliveness ever felt like.

You find yourself here when a high wears off, when you are physically exhausted or when your heart is broken. Sometimes it’s not so bad, but it’s always bland.

So you fight. You introspect, you figure out how you work and when you feel yourself starting to drop you exercise more, you take supplements, you journal, you remind yourself who you are and what’s important. 

And maybe it works, for a while.

But descent is inevitable. This movement from light and logos and illumination to the depths is as inescapable as the turn of the seasons, of the phases of the moon, of your circadian rhythm. Inevitable and vital. Because when you descend willingly into the underworld there is no need for restraints. And where you thought there was only bleak darkness you find an opportunity for transformation and rekindling the light.

Navigating your personal descents with grace isn’t easy, especially within a culture enamoured with the myth of progress. This piece of ritual theatre is designed to train you to surrender to the process by taking you through a mythic journey of descent and return.

You will need

Paper

Water-soluble pen (any rollerball pen not marketed as ‘waterproof’ should work)

Water from a natural source (river, sea, rain etc)

A large bowl (a washing up bowl is perfect)

Blanket or yoga mat to lie on

A compass (if you don’t know which way east is)

An eye covering

A large smooth stone of 1-3 kg in weight (or alternative, see below)

Notebook (I recommend buying a new black notebook to use for this ritual and future descents)

Long matches

The meditations (download here)

Music to dance to (optional)

Pomegranate juice (optional, but traditional)

Mugwort tea or other sleep aid known to produce vivid dreams such as Neuro Rest (optional, but recommended)

This ritual is designed to be enacted in three sections, part one in the evening before bed, part two in the middle of the night and part three the next morning. It is possible to do this ritual with another (understanding) person in the house but preferable to be alone.

Part One - Descent to the Underworld

Before

Where you are going none can follow. Let your friends and family know you’ll be out of contact overnight. Imagine this was the last time you’d see your loved ones: make sure you say anything you need to say and resolve any conflicts before you descend. Put your phone on do-not-disturb. Do not check your messages, access the internet or speak to anyone until the end of the ritual.

Read the following instructions carefully and copy them down in your notebook, making any necessary amendments (refer to the Ritual Recap at the end of this document). This will help you remember them and allow you to consult them while you are offline during the ritual. Download the meditations and make sure any music you need is available to you offline.

Find a smooth stone weighing between one and three kilograms and make note of where you pick it up. If finding a stone of these dimensions is impossible, find some other item of similar weight and wrap it in a piece of fabric to form a smooth heavy bundle. For the purposes of this ritual I shall refer to this as a stone.

Collect water from a natural source (lake, ocean, spring) and decant it into a large bowl. If you don’t have access to naturally sourced water, collect rain water or, as a last resort, use a tap.

Forget

Shortly before sunset, in an unlit room, lay your blanket or mat horizontally east to west, place the bowl of water at the head of the mat in the east and sit before it facing west. Have a piece of paper and water-soluble pen handy, as well as your stone.

Write down all the roles you play or want to play in life. Include the roles you were born with, those you accepted gladly, those you sought out and those you were forced into. Most importantly, include the roles you’ve invented for yourself—no matter how grandiose. 

Take the paper and lay it upon the surface of the water in the bowl. Watch as the ink blurs or washes away entirely. Imagine what it would be like to forget of all these identities, responsibilities and expectations. Now try to do it: let go. Take a few deep breaths before you cross the water to the underworld.

Step over the bowl, slowly. You are now in the mouth of the cavern, perhaps for the first time of your own volition.

Descend

Lay down on your blanket or yoga mat with the bowl at your head and your feet facing west. Have your stone and eye covering to hand.

Play the descent meditation. It will lead you through a five stage descent  into the underworld in just under 50 minutes.

When the meditation ends, remove your eye covering and the weight from your chest. Sit up slowly facing the west. You have reached the depths. 

Make notes on your experience of the meditation in your journal, record any emotions or thoughts that arose as you passed through the five stages. Consider how you feel now, in the underworld.

Prepare for bed in whatever way you please. Whether you bathe, stretch or endure a cup of mugwort tea, endeavour to do so mindfully. And remember: no reading or other media, no conversation, no internet. 

Make sure you have a pen and notebook near your bedside.

Set an alarm for four hours and go to sleep. Before you drift off whisper these words as if in prayer:

Root and branch shall change places, and the newness of the thing shall be thought a miracle.

Part Two - Encountering the Underworld

Listen

When your alarm wakes you write any dreams down in your journal immediately. Remember to write down how you felt in the dream as well as what happened. If you can’t remember a dream upon waking, write down the first thought that comes into your head. 

Get up and go outside, even if it’s raining. Take your stone, water and box of matches. Choose a comfortable seat somewhere where you can see the night sky. Place your stone on your lap and feel how its weight anchors you here in the underworld.

Close your eyes, slow and deepen your breath. Replay your experience of the previous evening: preparation, forgetting and descent. Remind yourself that you are down here in the dark without any of your worldly responsibilities or powers. This is where the alchemy happens.

Listen to the night. Listen to the sound of your breath and try to catch the tail end of your dreams. Listen to the whispers of your thoughts. Wait.

Eventually something will arise out of the darkness, something that is ready to be transformed. It could be a memory, a fear or a conviction. Something waits for you here, something you have been avoiding, something deep and simple that can be summed up in one word.

Say that word out loud.

Transform

Take a deep breath and ask yourself silently: Where is the beauty in this?

And then another breath: Where is the horror in this?

Nothing ever is, everything is becoming.

Close your eyes and turn to your left and right in time with your breathing like this:

Once you begin to feel a little light-headed or you feel like it’s time to stop, stop.

Open your eyes, look at the night sky. Witness its magnitude and experience your smallness. Choose a star and stare at it fixedly if none are visible imagine one up there behind the clouds. Try to conceive of the distance between yourself and that celestial body, imagine it was the aperture through which you descended into the dark. Feel again the weight of your stone on your lap holding you down here in the dark.

Bring the something back into your mind. Perhaps the word you chose doesn't fit it anymore. That’s okay. That means the process is working.

Realise

With your eyes on the star, strike a match, hold it up to the sky and say the word you chose to describe your something, then ‘becomes’. Like this:

Something becomes…

When you feel the heat of the flame on your fingers, complete the sentence with whatever word arises. Like this:

Something becomes… something else.

A becomes B.

Lead becomes gold.

You get the idea.

Try not to second-guess yourself, the second word should be spontaneous. If no word comes to your mind you will eventually exclaim ‘oh fuck,’ or similar, as you burn your fingers and drop the match. Fine. Then fuck is the word.

Place the stone to one side, stand up and stretch. If the moon has risen, now would be a great time to howl at it. Or dance, stamp, cry or laugh hysterically. If the impulse to express yourself dramatically doesn't arise, do it anyway. In the middle of your frenzied performance you may feel real ecstasy take hold. Music helps (especially with dancing) so have a track cued up if you know you’ll need it.

Say goodnight to the night. Take one last look at the sky and, if you could see one, the star you fixed your gaze on earlier. If you are familiar with the night sky, it might be interesting to note which constellation it belongs to. Pour out the water from your bowl onto the ground as an offering of thanks to the darkness reserving a cupful for use in your ascent.

Then return to bed keeping your notebook and pen to hand.

Part Three - Ascent from the Underworld

Ascend

Upon waking, say again as if in prayer:

Root and branch shall change places, and the newness of the thing shall be thought a miracle.

Write down any dreams in your notebook. 

Journal about your experience the previous night, record what happened and how you felt. Do not be tempted to analyse or explain, there will be plenty of time for that once you return to the world above.

Until you make your ascent refrain from any contact with the outside world. Do not read or consume other media. Do not speak to anyone and keep your phone on do-not-disturb. You could stretch, walk or enjoy a glass of pomegranate juice but whatever you do, try to do it mindfully. 

When you are ready to ascend, find a comfortable seat, preferably facing the east. Have your notebook and pen, your bowl of water and your stone handy.

Sit with your stone cradled in your lap. 

Play the ascent meditation.  It will lead you back to the surface reversing the five stages of your descent. You will need room to stand and move during the meditation.

Remember

Dip your fingers in the remaining cupful of water and place them on your forehead. Take a deep breath.

Write down the three most important roles you let go of before your descent in your journal. The ones you most want to remember and recommit to. You may find your priorities have shifted.

Make notes on your experience of your ascent and remembering in your journal. Consider how you feel now you have returned.

Afterward

You may now reconnect with the world. Let anyone who knew you were embarking on this ritual know of your safe return.

In your journal you should now have a record of your experience of this ritual interspersed with dreams. Over the next few days find somewhere peaceful to read it through in its entirety. 

Journal on the question: How do I turn something into something else?

Lead into gold.

It may be helpful to discuss your experiences and reflections with other people who have undergone a ritual descent.

Sometime shortly after completing your ascent return the stone to where you found it.

Later when in the throws of success or passion you find yourself at the absolute zenith of your cycle, when the darkness is at its most distant and abstract ask yourself quietly in a moment of reflection:

Where is the beauty in this? 

Where is the horror in this?

And you will find an invisible thread of meaning that connects you at your heights to your depths. 

Nothing ever is, everything is becoming.

This ritual is intended as training for a graceful descent and reemergence. Pay attention to your shifting moods, enthusiasm and energy. Next time you feel yourself about to descend or perhaps find yourself in the underworld unbidden repeat this ritual with any amendments, alterations or simplifications you need. 

I recommend regularly performing some version of a descent ritual. If you want to join me on my trip to the underworld you’ll find me there every dark moon.

Ritual Recap

Part One 

• Gather materials, let people know you’ll be out of contact overnight.

• Write down and wash away your identities.

• Perform the descent meditation with the stone on your chest.

Part Two

• Listen to the night and allow something to arise. 

• Ask : Where is the beauty in this? Where is the horror in this?

• Breathe and move.

• Stargaze

• Light a match, say a word.

• Howl at the moon (or whatever).

• Make an offering of your water to the night.

Part Three

• Perform the ascent meditation with the stone on your lap.

• Reclaim three identities.

• Return the stone to whence it came.