A Ritual to Banish Demons
for people afflicted by unwanted emotions
You are possessed.Â
Now, I know you don’t believe in demons by any traditional definition of those words but something has got a hold of you, maybe several things. When such an infestation occurs whether you call upon an old priest and a young priest or a psychologist and a pharmacologist they’ll be using the same hermeneutic tech: define your malaise as something that can be defeated, then defeat it.
This ritual puts that tech into your hands.
Maybe you’ve got some nebulous conceptual understanding of your plight; a tendency to rumination, irritation or a creeping melancholy that sets in after staring at a screen for three plus hours… That definition is inadequate for the purposes of exorcism. Exorcism follows horror movie logic. To destroy an evil entity it must be lured into the flesh, made manifest. This means taking your angst; giving it a face, teeth and tiny little grabby hands, then shaking it off.
You will need
Privacy
A doorway of normal proportions
A short piece of memorised text (below)
Uplifting music
This ritual will take around five minutes to complete.
The Ritual
Stand in a doorway and put the back of your hands against the door frame. Take a deep breath. Close your eyes. Imagine yourself beset by demons, picture their scowling faces behind you or if visualisation is tricky for you imagine the sensations of their clawed/webbed/taloned feet upon your back. If even that is a stretch just call to mind words that describe how they’d look, move, smell if you could visualise them.Â
Once you sense their imaginal presence start pushing hard against the doorframe with the back of your hands as if you were trying to widen it. Recite these words:
Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil; May God rebuke him, we humbly pray; And do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the power of God, thrust into hell Satan and all evil spirits who wander through the world for the ruin of souls. Amen.
Oh come on, don’t be so literal. This prayer might even work better for atheists as reciting it has a thrill of transgression that heightens the emotional experience.Â
Repeat it three times, with every repetition increase the volume of your voice and the pressure of your hands on the doorframe. The words will work better the more ingrained they are in your memory but if you want to start right away write the words on a large sheet of paper and read them the first few times until they are memorised.
Once you have finished reciting the words, step forward out of the doorway. Turn to face the opposite direction confronting the demons. Place your feet as wide as they will comfortably go and let your arms rise up at your sides until your body makes an X shape. Take at least three deep breaths in this pose, tilt your head back, smile.
Bring your palms together and invoke a feeling of deep appreciation within yourself. You could do this by thinking of someone you love or chuckling at the silliness of the ritual you are performing. Or, of course, by thanking the Archangel Michael if you are so inclined.
Turn on your music (I recommend having your track ready to play at the press of a button so you do not have to interrupt your flow by looking at a screen). Dance vigorously for at least one whole song. I use Florence and the Machine’s Shake It Out but find your own groove. It works best if you sing along.
When the ritual is complete do not return to whatever you were doing previously. Make a cup of tea, go for a walk, take a shower, call a friend. Don’t give the demons a chance to creep back.
Ritual Recap
Stand in doorway, imagine demons.
Press backs of hands into door frame, repeat prayer three times.
Turn around, step forward, raise arms.
Breathe, tilt your head back, smile.
Bring hands into prayer position evoke feeling of appreciation.
Dance like nobody's watching.
